( content here )

I used to cry in the middle of the day from the
realisation that I don’t remember how I felt before
this “depression” settled in me.

I used to fantasize about what it was like
to be content, to be happy, to be able to get up
in the morning without wondering why everyday
was the same exact thing.

[redacted]

I used to, but today I don’t. Today, I love you.
And tomorrow, I’ll try harder.

best

I hope she melts the heart that life had left frozen. I hope she makes you feel again. I hope. 

( fall )

maybe the rain falls to be closer to you. 

Protected: 19/05/2015 NLT

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( unfinished 001 )

I have a hard time letting things go. 

“Why hold onto so many things?”

Well where the fuck am I supposed to put it down?

postscript– ( people tend to let things go by passing it onto someone else. )

02May2015

It was you in my dream. 

It was your voice, in your accent, that said, “I love you so much, [name], but I have to go.” 

It was you. 

// : (jm)

8:56PM 25 January 2015 

You are like warm laundry on a cold night.
10:39PM 26 February 2015
But eventually, the weather changes and laundry become room temperature.
You’re just like everyone else.

( roses )

September 28, 2014, 5:25PM

You brought me roses and although they were beautiful, I became covered in thorns.

(no subject)

i am someone who leaves things unsaid
& everyday is practically the same.
except some days, in the middle of the day,
i find myself calling your name out of habit.
“___________.”

i tell myself not to text you–
i don’t want to know that you’re doing fine without me.
i don’t want to sit around with my heart in my throat, holding in,
“i was right outside your door, waiting for you to love me.”

i tell myself not to text you–
you’re not going to say
“i’m sorry i didn’t stay, i miss you, can i come back?”
but i have to remind myself
your lack of response is a response in itself.

every night is practically the same.
except some nights, in the middle of the night,
i wake with my heart caved in and practice
saying the words i never had the guts to say,
“i love you, ___________. could you love me back?”

Only time could tell

On the first day when I looked up and saw your face clearly for the first time.

When I cried in front of you for the first time, you didn’t tell me to stop crying, you held me and told me not to be ashamed.

You handed me your sweater and then kissed me, out of no where, and shut my car door.

I was on your couch while you were cooking for me. You walked over in the midst of it and kissed me. My heart raced and I told myself I had to distract myself from you.