to the tune of your name

I tell myself that I am over you,
yet I still hear myself sing your name in my lonesome.
There are a lot of things I don’t understand in this world,
and you’ve always tried to tell me of them in prose.
Instead of deciphering your words, my selfish ears heard,
“I don’t care, I don’t have time for you,”
and now that’s all I hear from the ones succeeding you.
I tell myself that I am over you,
but whenever I speak with you I realise that I really care,
that I’ve missed you more than I let myself be aware of;
my love for you was something that was never allowed to
blossom anymore than it did.

I tell myself that I am over you,
even though I know I absolutely love you.

[ strikethrough ]

I’m scared that you’re going to leave out of the blue and
I’ll have to scratch your name off my phone book one day.

( content here )

I used to cry in the middle of the day from the
realisation that I don’t remember how I felt before
this “depression” settled in me.

I used to fantasize about what it was like
to be content, to be happy, to be able to get up
in the morning without wondering why everyday
was the same exact thing.

[redacted]

I used to, but today I don’t. Today, I love you.
And tomorrow, I’ll try harder.

best

I hope she melts the heart that life had left frozen. I hope she makes you feel again. I hope. 

( fall )

maybe the rain falls to be closer to you. 

Protected: 19/05/2015 NLT

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( unfinished 001 )

I have a hard time letting things go. 

“Why hold onto so many things?”

Well where the fuck am I supposed to put it down?

postscript– ( people tend to let things go by passing it onto someone else. )

02May2015

It was you in my dream. 

It was your voice, in your accent, that said, “I love you so much, [name], but I have to go.” 

It was you. 

// : (jm)

8:56PM 25 January 2015 

You are like warm laundry on a cold night.
10:39PM 26 February 2015
But eventually, the weather changes and laundry become room temperature.
You’re just like everyone else.

( roses )

September 28, 2014, 5:25PM

You brought me roses and although they were beautiful, I became covered in thorns.